New Year...New Me!

Happy New Year!! 

It's 2016, so hard to believe that 2015 is over.  It was a hard year for our family for many reasons, but it was also a great year. 

What made it so difficult?

•   Rob's job situation
•   Having no family nearby
•   Missing our son who is away at college
•   Having a hard time making 'real' friends
•   Losing our sweet dog, Cody
•   Missing the colder New England weather
•   Not feeling like our house is our home yet
•   Being sick for most of the summer
•   The heat...oh the awful humid heat!
•   Financial difficulties

What made it a great year?

•   Having my sister and her family visit us
•   Being part of an amazing church family
•   Making new friends 
•   Being a part of the women's Bible study at church
•   Getting some great photography jobs
•   Having our son home for the summer & breaks
•   Enjoying girl time with my daughter
•   Skype & Facetime calls with faraway family/friends
•   Feeling closer to God than ever before
•   Our family vacation to Colorado
•   and lots more moments throughout the year!

I truly have so much to be thankful for, and I need to count my blessings! 
These two are what I'm most proud of...






I know that God has blessed my life with an amazing husband who loves me (and to this day I have NO clue why!), and two kids who continue to amaze me on a daily basis.  I am so in love with my family, and I couldn't ask for more than that. 

So, why a new me?  I want to be different...better than ever!

I want to....

• Grow in my walk with the Lord
• Pray more for my husband & kids
• Be the best mom I can possibly be
• Work on the outward me...lose weight, feel good etc.
• Show kindness and reach out more to others
• Keep up with this blog and write from my heart
• Live my life for the Lord & be completely transparent
• Care about what matters most, not what doesn't
• Not worry about what others think of me as much as I do
• Improve on my photography skills
• Get out of debt!
• Communicate better with others & not be so introverted

This is going to take some time!!  It won't happen overnight, and it may not even happen this year, but it sure is something to work towards.  This is NOT any sort of New Year's resolution!  It's just a list of things I'd like to work on without pressure of time, or putting any sort of label on it. 

So if you think of it, pray for me. I'll be doing a lot of that myself!

God's Waiting Room

I don't know what it is lately, but I've just been feeling down.  I posted this picture today on Facebook with the words 

"I never used to be this way, but as I get older, it's more and more like who I've become. I'm missing my best friends...they accept me as I am and already know me well. Acquaintances get old really fast, and I've noticed that most people don't 'allow' new friends into their already established inner circle. Not something an introvert finds comforting." 

I tagged my 4 best friends, then watched as a few folks posted responses.  Most of them were very sweet, but there was one that made me both sad and happy.  She said  "What you said is me exactly.  I'm going through the same thing and we have been here over two years."

The reason it made me happy, was that I realized I'm not the only one who feels this way.  I'm not the only introvert who has been having a hard time finding friends who are true and genuine.  It also made me sad, because I totally know what she is going through.  It's been 1 1/2 years for me, and I don't foresee any changes in the near future.  I have tried so hard to get out of my comfort zone.  I've attended church, Small group (Sunday School), the orchestra, women's Bible study and more.  I've gone to all the women's functions with my small group, and I've met some amazing women...I even allowed myself to feel vulnerable by crying while praying with them, but I still have not felt that I clicked on a genuine and deep level with anyone. 

I sit here and think 'Is it me?'  'Is there something wrong with me?'  I've got 4 amazing friends who I've known for a long time, so it can't be that, or I probably wouldn't have any friends!  I did notice something...people these days don't like to let new people into their inner circle of friends.  I can understand that to a point, but if I saw someone new who needed a friend, I'd welcome her with open arms.  I've put myself out there.  I've done my part.

Sometimes the silence of my phone is deafening.  Sometimes a comment online would be welcomed.  I take time to pay attention to others, I just wish someone would pay attention to me.  I honestly don't understand why the Lord has me waiting, but that's what I'm doing.  I picture myself sitting on a semi-cushioned chair while hanging out in God's waiting room.  The walls are covered with paper that's peeling in the corner, one of the lights is flickering in the ceiling above me, and there's a fish tank in the corner to amuse those who don't like to wait.  There are magazines on the tables to peek anyone's interest, even one all about photography, but I don't pick it up because I keep watching the door to see if anyone is going to come in looking for me.  Pathetic, eh?  There's a reason I'm waiting, I'm sure of it.  There's a purpose to everything.  How do I know this?  It says so in the Bible. 

Ecclesiastes 3 says "To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven."

One day maybe I'll know why God had me waiting, and one day perhaps He will fulfill the desires of my heart.  In the mean time, I'll just sit back on the chair in His waiting room, and will continue to watch the door...always with a bit of hope in my heart. 

Finding My Way

So much has changed in our family over the past few years.  Zachary went off to college in 2013, we moved far from home in 2014, and my husband just recently got the job he was promised over 15 months ago when we moved here.  It was a long painful wait getting that full-time position, but God provided in His own time. 

Because of all these changes, I've had to practically start over from the life I once knew.  I no longer live near family, no longer live near my dearest friends, and I have had to adjust to living in 'the south' after being a Yankee for nearly 50 years of my life.  The sweet-tea has helped adjust more than you could ever know, though.  ha ha!

I think the hardest part for me has been the lack of a really good close friend nearby.  You know the kind I mean...the kind that 'gets you'.  The one who could pop in at any time and you wouldn't care if they saw your house clean or a mess.  I miss having someone to drop everything for and go out for coffee.  I miss having someone to commiserate with when I'm having a bad day, and I miss being able to pick up the phone knowing that they are just a stone's throw away.  Those kind of friends are the hardest to find.  Actually you never truly find them...they find you!  It just happens.  I'm waiting for that to happen here, but it's taking a lot longer than I ever anticipated.

As for my old friends...they're still there.  They will always be there!  But...the distance has been hard, and keeping those relationships up are a lot of work.  Girls need friends they can do stuff with.  We need connections that don't include Skype, Facetime, Texts or emails.
 
I've thought long and hard about why God is having me wait for that special friend.  Perhaps so I can be more readily available for my daughter who also is longing for that kind of close friend.  Perhaps it's because God wants me to draw closer to Him...I know that's been lacking in my life.  Fortunately I've gotten involved in small group and in a Woman's Bible study at church every week.  It's been wonderful and I DO feel as if I'm a lot closer to the Lord than I've been in ages. 

Either way, the desire is still there, and I look forward to the day when either that desire goes away, or that God will bless me with a dear friend.  I know God can do anything, but we have to wait on His time, and for Him to provide.  So far He has never let me down, and I know He's not going to let me down in this area as well.  In the mean time, I'll just keep trying to find my way being a country girl living in the south.  I'll wait patiently, and I'll just trust that in His time, He will bless.

Snippets from the past year

Like I mentioned last night, I'm not going to take the time to write about everything that happened last year, but after thinking it through I decided to mention some of the highlights month by month. This way when I look back on my blog there's not a huge gaping hole of information. I'm such a Type-A person, that it would bug me to no end if I didn't. It's like reading a book and finding a few chapters missing in the middle. They're not ultra important, but they are still a part of what makes my life...'my life', so I'd like to remember them just like I want to remember the other parts. Make sense? Probably not, but that's OK, not everyone understands me. =) Anyhow, here's a quick year(and a half)-in-review. Feel free to completely skip reading this entry if you want to. I won't be offended at all because it's really here for me.

Here goes:

• January 2010: I injured my foot and spent a while on crutches. Nothing else exciting.
• February 2010: Enjoyed time with friends and family over fun game nights, Valentine's dinner and more.
• March 2010: Zachary turned 15 years old! He also had major surgery on his knee. He did well, but it wasn't without lots of pain and lots of physical therapy after. I'm happy to say that his knee is perfectly fine today and he's not had a problem since.

• April 2010: Rob celebrated another birthday. Zachary got to put his Biology tools to good use as he dissected a few specimens, and Hannah and I got to meet some great skaters face to face after seeing the Stars on Ice performance. Here she is with one of them...Sasha Cohen.

Camera

NIKON D90

Focal Length

18mm

Aperture

f/5

Exposure

1/160s

ISO

1600

• May 2010: The definite highlight of our year...a 2 week vacation in Walt Disney World!! We saved up for years just to go on this trip. It wasn't the first time I'd been there (my parents brought us several times while growing up) but Rob and I had never been together, and the kids had never been at all. It was so exciting experiencing it through their eyes. We had a blast! Soon after coming home, Rob and I celebrated our 16th wedding anniversary too. =)

• June 2010: This month was when Zachary made the decision to take flying lessons. He is now pursuing his dream of flying planes with the hopes of eventually going to the Air Force Academy in Colorado. Lord willing he will!! We are so very excited for him! He also went to Ohio this month with the youth group (and our church's Bible quiz team - who won 1st place!) for a National Conference. He came back a changed young man, and we were so very proud of him.
• July 2010: Hannaah turned 9 this month! She celebrated by having an American Girl slumber party...her first one. The girls had a great time together. I also got to spend a "sister's weekend" with my older sister. We hadn't talked in almost 2 years, so we took the time to reconnect, heal and move forward. It was the best thing we did and I am so thankful to God for the opportunity! I'm going again next month for another great weekend away with her...can't wait. Here we are posing for a funny photo together just to laugh about how silly it was to waste those 2 years apart (I'm the one on the right with the knife!! Ha ha!)

• August 2010: My sister and her family (all 6 of them) came up to spend a few days with us. We had an awesome visit with them all, and the cousins were so excited to finally spend quality time together. I also got to go up to Camp-of-the-Woods with a friend (and my 2 kids) for a day, just to take photos and walk around. I worked there for 10 years as a teen and loved every minute of it. Such a great place! The highlight of this month...Zachary officially started his flying lessons!!

• September 2010: Homeschooling had already begun in August, but we activities resumed with the homeschool group that I lead, with a family picnic, great boating field trip around the local islands and more! We did a few family hikes up to Kent Falls, and enjoyed the cooler weather. Hannah also continued her skating and Zachary resumed his violin lessons after a short break. Life was back in full-swing after a nice relaxing summer.

• October 2010: Autumn is the best time of year! We took a few nice family day trips to some of our favorite places....Sturbridge Village, Yankee Candle, Deerfield and more. We truly enjoy being together as a family and we take advantage of it every minute we can. I'm so thankful for children and a husband who love family, field trips, and travel as much as I do!!
• November 2010: We enjoyed the first snow of the year in early November. I had yet another birthday (right on Thanksgiving Day)....goodness, they just keep popping up every year! =) I turned the big 45 in 2010....does that mean I've reached the top of the hill, or is that at 50? Either way, you're only as old as you feel and I don't feel a day over 100. Ha ha Actually I don't feel old at all...I'm enjoying life and aside from a few signs of wear and tear on my body, I still feel rather young. Thanksgiving was rather dull aside from my birthday. It was the first one we spent all alone - just the 4 of us. To be honest, it was kind of sad. All my life I had huge family Thanksgivings, but this year it was not meant to be. Sigh...
• December 2010: We had a homeschool-free month this year! No schooling at all...just for fun. We started extra early this year, so we enjoyed a guilt-free holiday that lasted for 5 weeks! We baked, decorated, baked, cleaned, baked, visited with friends and oh yeah...we baked! ha ha! Christmas was wonderful. We had the in-laws over and we celebrated with lots of fun, family and food!

• January 2011: New Year's Day was SO MUCH FUN!! We had an Open House for family and friends. It was so much fun, that we can't wait until New Year's Day 2012 to do it all over again. It was also a NYC month for us. Zachary flew he and I over NYC. All I can say is "WOW!" If you ever get the chance to go over the city in a plane (only 1,000 ft up) then do it!!! I also got to spend a day in the city with Rob as we went to see the Phantom of the Opera, my absolute favorite Broadway Musical!! We had a great day and enjoyed the city while snow fell on us.

One of the photos I took while flying over NYC:

Waiting for the Phantom to begin!

• February 2011: SNOW!!! To say we got a lot of snow this winter would be an understatement. It snowed long and hard. Know what though? I loved it! I enjoyed every minute of it, even the shoveling. Watching the snow get higher and higher was a riot. At one point we had to walk through a narrow path about 3 1/2' high just to get to our front door. We haven't had snow like that in years. Zachary also started to make progress on his HUGE Lionel train layout. Photos coming in a later post I'm sure. Here I am standing in the snow...barely!

• March 2011: Tea parties, flying, Play Doh, museums, photography, and field trips sums up the bulk of March. Zachary turned 16 this year which was very exciting!! We celebrated big and he got to open up his Time Capsule that we had stored away from when he was 1 year old. Inside were letters from my parents (both deceased), Rob's parents, Rob and I. Also included was a letter written to him from our Pastor from the day he was dedicated to the Lord. It was a very tearful afternoon, especially when he read the letters from my parents and from our pastor. Pastor Dave passed away only 1 week earlier after a long battle with cancer. These letters will always be precious to Lionel, I'm sure.

Getting a little emotional while listening to the letters being read out loud to him. He started to read them but couldn't make it through...not that it was easier for us either. =)

Camera

NIKON D90

Focal Length

105mm

Aperture

f/5.6

Exposure

1/60s

ISO

3200

• April 2011:Hannah  and I got to go meet more skaters at the Stars On Ice show once again. This year was better than last! We got there early, talked to several of them and got to watch the show from the front row, right in the center of the rink. The only better place to be would've been right on the ice with the skaters! Rob celebrated his birthday this month, Zachary had his 16th birthday party (a couple weeks after his actual birthday) with friends, and we had our big homeschool Literature Fair, where both our kids brought home 1st place trophies for their work!! What a great month!

Sweet-Pea and Kurt Browning!!

Zachary as 'Sherlock Holmes'

Camera

NIKON D90

Focal Length

24mm

Aperture

f/3.8

Exposure

1/60s

ISO

200

Hannah as 'Jane Austen'
I made this dress for her too! First time sewing like that ever!!

• May 2011: May flew by, mainly because we went away for a couple weeks down to Virginia. What a great trip! We went to Williamsburg, Newport News and Virginia Beach/Chesapeake Bay areas. We enjoyed seeing the many places full of history, before heading home via Charlottesville where we stopped in to see the Waltons Mountain Museum...such a fun place! When we got home, we had our homeschool group graduation and before we knew it, June and the heat of summer arrived!

Camera

NIKON D90

Focal Length

18mm

Aperture

f/10

Exposure

1/400s

ISO

250

Phew! That pretty much brings the blog up-to-date...sort of. I took you on the turbo tour of my life from the past year and a half. Lord willing I won't ever let time go by again like I did. Now...on to our regularly scheduled posts.... thanks for being so patient with me and sorry for such a long post.

"Beyond Words"....

I want to share my friends' story with you all.

Stephanie and her husband recently lost a baby...the whole ordeal was so difficult for them, and will be for years to come. This was not their first baby, they already have 3 beautiful children, but it was just as devastating as if she were their only child. They were told during her pregnancy that their beautiful daughter, who is now safe in the arms of Jesus, would not survive long if at all, once she was born. Unfortunately they never got to see her alive, but they did get to hold her and love her before finally 'letting go'.

Here is a link to her blog...full of such emotion and inspiration:




Why am I sharing all this? I want you to support her and the family in prayer, but I also want to share with you something that God has placed upon her heart. If you have ever lost a child, you can feel and associate with her pain. Stephanie is an artist who has come up with a great idea...check out her website. It's worth it, and you just may be interested in what she has to offer!



"Love you Stephanie...and am praying for you and the family!!!"

Reflections...

The past couple days for me have been busy, yet somehow I've had lots of time to think about how my life has changed. When I was young, I had not a care in the world. I never had to worry about things...Mom and Dad took care of me, raised me well and taught me some pretty valuable lessons. They instilled in me some pretty wonderful Christian values that I too am teaching to my own children.

Now that I'm a little much older, I can appreciate my parents for the incredible example they were to me, and how much they invested in my life. Oh to be able to see them just one more time to let them know...

Word of advice: If your parents are still around...please take the time to let them know you love them. Tell them how much they mean to you, and tell them how thankful you are to them for all the time & money they've spent on you, and for all the sacrifices they've made for you!

Anyhow, as I've spent time with Rob and the kids getting ready for Christmas (decorating, baking, and shopping), I've reminisced about the traditions my own family had. I miss having family around. When I was growing up, I had a very large family that used to get together every holiday. We had wonderful times, and many memories were made that still make me smile today! Most of my family are now gone...so I don't see anyone on my side during the Christmas holidays. It's very hard for me and it hurts that my children have no cousins or other kids their age around to make memories with, even from Rob's side. It's been something I've struggled with for a few years now, and I think this year it's really hit home. Yup...I've got too much time to 'think' these days! That's what happens when you take a month off from homeschooling! =)

I try not to talk about it much with my own family so they don't realize the pain, but I'm sure it shows. (Not to mention the fact they they read my blog, so they'll see it here!) Fortunately though I have a wonderful family and we're making our own memories. I pray daily for my children...that they will grow up with fond memories in their hearts as I have in mine, despite the differences in the way we've grown up. Despite that they don't have much family to celebrate with as I did. God puts people in our lives at just the right time. He will never let us down like people do. He always provides what we need when we need it, so I'm trusting that He will always protect my children and give them family and friends when they need it most.

Pray that my kids have the best Christmas ever this year. It's not about the gifts, it's not about the food or the decorations (although those are all so much fun!!)...it's about Christ, being together and enjoying the gifts that we have been blessed with.

I have so many wonderful friends who live far away....you know who you are...my very dear close friends from COTW, friends from RSA , from college and those of you who are faithful readers here. I wish you all a wonderful, safe, happy and healthy Christmas. I pray that God will bless you in years to come, and that you always follow your heart as He leads you.


P.S. The candle photo above is a Woodwick candle...the company is based out of Virginia. The scent is called 'Frasier Fir' and it smells incredible. I love these candles more than Yankee Candle (Shhh! Don't tell) because they not only smell better, but they are prettier and they make a wonderful crackling noise as the wood wick burns down. They last forever too! Just my .02 cents.

New England

New England is simply gorgeous in the fall. The leaves haven't quite turned colors yet, but they're just beginning to show a glimmer of what's to come. I LOVE fall...it's my favorite time of the year. Crackling fires, beautiful foliage, hot cocoa, pumpkin pie, walks in the woods, crisp cool air and an overall feeling of coziness!

Yesterday I went shopping and walked around town with a friend from college. We had a blast. The weather was perfect and it was the first time in a long time I could relax and not worry about the kids, school, the dog or anything else for that matter. I feel refreshed once again and am ready for fall to 'officially' arrive!

The drive to town...gotta love New England's tree lined roads!


A nearby farm...


Just a pretty house we passed on the way...


I can just picture the lamplighter coming by on a brisk evening in the 1700's to light this lamp, can't you?


Such pretty historical homes lined the streets in this town.


In the center of town was this beautiful church.




This was an old warehouse from the mid 1600's!! It was right on the water, but since then, the water hasn't been as high.


Here's the cove that the warehouse is on...


Pretty ducks were walking all over...


I think a trip back there is in order once the leaves turn to their brilliant red, orange and yellow colors. Usually early to mid October is the best time. God's creation is simply amazing...He is truly a master artist!!

JWCC Episode #2

JWCC Episode #1

A friend of mine recently started creating educational videos for kids. They are fun to watch, and of course, very creative. Josh is extremely versatile which you'll see in the videos as he portrays several hilarious 'characters' .

Watch the video and share them with your kids. If you (or your kids) have any feedback or comments for Josh, post them here and I will be happy to pass them on to him. Enjoy!