My heart aches

Dad is not doing well at all, in fact, he most likely won't live more than a day or two. My heart is breaking. We spent time by his bedside today, and seeing him suffering in pain (even with morphine) is just something I'd rather not deal with. I want to be with him through this 'valley of the shadow of death' though...I want to hold his hand, tell him it's OK to let go and enter into the presence of the Lord. We know where he will spend eternity, but it's still hard to watch him die.

I have been battling the tears all evening, thinking of him laying there in that bed moaning and suffering. I am constantly asking God to take him and relieve his pain. As much as we don't want to lose him, we also don't want to be selfish and ask for him to linger. He has lived a good life. He is ready to meet his Maker!

Today while we were standing beside him, Sweet-Pea (who hasn't cried yet) burst into tears and asked PaPa if he would say 'hi' to Gramma for her and give her a hug when he dies and goes to heaven. You have NO IDEA how much my heart ached when I heard those words. She is a 7 year old who has experienced things well beyond her years because of my Dad's illness. My mom passed away 7 years ago, only 2 months after Sweet-Pea was born. My Mom held her in her arms and told her she'd see her again one day in heaven. To hear Sweet-Pea ask PaPa to give her a hug and say 'hi' was something I'll never forget!!!

Lionel is dealing with it in his own way. He's sad and he's angry. He remembers watching Gramma die when he was just 6 years old. He was close to her and now he's very close to my Dad. It really stinks that my children won't have their grandparents around to love them, hug them and play with them any longer. I didn't lose my grandparents until I was in my 20's! I cherish the years I had with them and I'm sad my children will be missing out. Fortunately my parents are leaving behind a wonderful legacy which will be passed on for generations to come!!! They both loved the Lord and weren't afraid to show it. My children have spent quality time with them, have learned from them and will one day tell their own children all about their amazing Godly grandparents!

Here we are with my Dad just over 1 year ago...amazing.


The song sung by Steve Green says it all....

FIND US FAITHFUL
Words and Music by Jon Mohr

We're pilgrims on the journey of the narrow road
And those who've gone before us line the way
Cheering on the faithful, encouraging the weary
Their lives a stirring testament to God's sustaining grace

Surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses
Let us run the race not only for the prize
But as those who've gone before us
Let us leave to those behind us
The heritage of faithfulness
Passed on through godly lives

Oh may all who come behind us find us faithful
May the fire of our devotion light their way
May the footprints that we leave
Lead them to believe
And the lives we live inspire them to obey
Oh may all who come behind us find us faithful

After all our hopes and dreams have come and gone
And our children sift through all we've left behind
May the clues that they discover
And the memories they uncover
Become the light that leads them
To the road we each must find

Oh may all who come behind us find us faithful