True Friends

I'm not sure I can get serious after my last post, but I'll try. I've been reading a very interesting book lately..."Grown-Up Girlfriends...Finding and Keeping Real Friends in the Real World" by Erin Smalley and Carrie Oliver. This book was put out by Focus on the Family. I have to say that this book has opened my eyes quite a bit! Some friendships I have that I thought were close, are in fact destined for destruction. Some friendships I have that I thought were casual, may in fact be better than I thought.

This book helps you set healthy boundaries, resolve conflicts constructively, support a friend in crisis, let go of destructive friendships, practice healthy forgiveness & reconciliation, identify potential close friends and more.

I always felt that having fewer 'close' friends was always better; this book confirms that. It actually categorizes levels of friendships into 'baskets' and tells you approximately how many are realistically in each one...

Level 3 - Acquaintances: 20 to 100
Level 2 - Good Friends: 5 to 20
Level 1 - Know-it-all Friends: 1 to 4

The friends that I have the most trouble with are the level 1 friends. I do have a few best friends, but unfortunately all but 1 live far away...so do I really call them Level 1 friends anymore?? I hardly get to see them and to me a best friend is someone who is there for you more than once a month. I have always wanted one dear friend I can have that Lucy/Ethel relationship with. You know how what I'm talking about...someone who is always there for you, who is willing to act silly when need be but is also serious and encouraging when you need it. Perhaps someone who lives close by (maybe not quite as close as Ethel did to Lucy though!) Someone who sees you when you're at your worst yet thinks the world of you anyhow. Someone you go out and have coffee with on a regular basis just because it's healthy to sit and chat with friends. If you have that friendship with someone, call yourself incredibly blessed...it's NOT as typical as you think!!! (By the way - I'm not talking about husbands here...my husband IS my absolute best friend in the world....I'm only talking about girl friendships here.)

Why all this talk about friendships? Well, over the past few years, I've been feeling a bit 'out of the loop' when it comes to friends. I have given myself fully to caring for my Dad and taking care of my own family. There have been very few outings with friends, and even fewer phone calls - some my own doing, but some because the friends I thought I had simply were not there for me when I needed them most. I did not push my friends away, I did not ignore any of them, it's just that times were very difficult and it was a season in my life where I had to put some things on the back burner for a while and let simmer. This book talks about friends like that. If you're not there for them when you go through difficult times they tend to walk away. Friends need to come along side friends who go through crisis. Only God can fully heal and give peace, but friends can offer some comfort and often times an escape from what is going on in life. When I was going through difficult times with my Dad, many people would tell me they didn't want to 'bother me'. They were afraid they'd call at a bad time, would interrupt my family time or maybe they wouldn't know what to say. Unfortunately that made me feel worse. That's when I needed friends the most!

Anyhow, as a result of my time 'away', I lost several friends that I thought were there for me. Some of my friends have been through life changes, some have moved on and others have found other friends they are now closer to. That's fine, but now it's my turn and I want to move on. It's time...Dad passed away almost 4 months ago now. This book is a true eye opener and I know that in time God will bless me with those 1 or 2 new 'Level 1' friends I'm seeking. Sounds so bookish and formal, but it does make sense. Life is too short to go through without best friends by your side!!

I do highly recommend this book even for those of you who have friends in your life you are perfectly content with. It's a great resource and it will help you encourage your children to choose their friends wisely.

Have a blessed day!